The tangle of feelings: to unravel, to recognize and share

The first is the sadness due to the fact that it is seen not to be what she wants to look in the eyes of others. And it would be best to say: “I’m sorry you think so” or “I don’t think so”. Maybe this Hans asks: “And what do you think I’m wrong?”. Now Inga could indulge in explanations, because Hans is willing to listen to her.

Another feeling hidden narcissistic rage, it is fear: if Hans really believes Inga like this if he even wants to live with her? If she really is afraid of this, it is appropriate to ask: “If you really think so, then you love me less?”. And to this he might reply, “Oh, no, of course. You have a wonderful — and very good that, while I’m at work, you enjoy life, and when I get home — you’re fun and calm.” Then the fear will vanish, and with it anger. This is especially useful if you have a high sensitivity, because of a quarrel you extremely tired.

Once on the other side and calling someone narcissistic anger with their words or actions, try not to react to the anger, but to turn to sadness and fear of your partner. If you can show that you are able to see its positive qualities, and he believes you, his anger will subside. Let’s say I called someone sensitive and it is my interlocutor angry — either because actually it is not, either because he does not want to look sensitive. Perhaps he considers sensitivity a weakness and believes that, in order not to be alone, you need to be cool and calm.

Instead to indulge in explanations and defend their own point of view, I immediately say that I can be wrong. Then I say to Express their feelings — excellent quality, unique real, and what I think my companion bold and pleasant person to work with. So I will weaken his fear and sadness. It is possible that after this situation I will consider it even more sensitive. But to talk about it I will refrain. Maybe someday he’ll understand and accept it.

Instead of just described I was able to get angry in response, and then to tell somebody about how disgusting I behaved my companion. In this case, his fear and sadness would increase, and with them the anger.

2. Self-defense

The womb is counting on a promotion, but she refused. The evening of the same day, she goes home where her waiting husband by the name of Per. Lona upset and can’t cope with my disappointment. She goes to kitchen and starts cooking, and when Lane is trying to give her a hug, shakes his hand and slams bought products.

Anger in this case — the feeling is secondary, performs a protective function. The fact that in such situations you do not want to communicate, it’s quite alright, but would be wise to say it out loud. For example: “I don’t want to talk, so I don’t need your help”. Or: “You know nothing about it, and when I want to discuss everything, I will tell you about it.”

It happens also that our own anger seems to us to feeling frustrated, which is difficult even to ourselves. Perhaps you need reach and don’t want to alienate loved ones, and anger robs you of this opportunity. In this case I would recommend to discuss this with the therapist. You can’t waste your life, suffering from the fact that we repel those who need.

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29. October 2017 by Ekaterina
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